he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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