I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
