So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
