I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
