Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
