I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
