Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
