Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
