I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
