I need to stop coming to work sober
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
