She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
