STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
