I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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