I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
