yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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