Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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