I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He did a backflip because drugs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
