we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
