How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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