The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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