You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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