So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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