:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What did we do last night that was yellow?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Randomize
