I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Panties = found
Randomize
