I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
