Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
