I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
