dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
