Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
