You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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