i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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