Where is the hickey?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
