I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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