My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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