You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
