I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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