I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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