how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
