I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
