i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
