That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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