I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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