Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
