He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
