My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
