So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
