I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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