can u get pink eye on your cock?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
