fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
