I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
