He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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