There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
