it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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