I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have post one night stand depression
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