When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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