i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
